A Critique of Aristotle's Ontological Argument of the First Cause

Heh, just kidding about the title there; Aristotle's argument for god's existence carries about as much logical weight as Descartes' "I think therefore .. hey, why is my hand in my pants?" But the point of today's lecture is not about philosophy, it is to stroke my own ego through the best means of abstract masturbation that I can think of: Updating my blog!
Today started much like any other day: I awoke to severe throbbing head pain caused by whirlwind of partying, alcohol, and wild, unprotected sex that occurred the night before. I then reluctantly got up, took a shower, grabbed a bite, and proceeded to my usual round of Tuesday classes. Today in U.S. history, I got my test essay back, which scored an impressive grade of 97 along with the consoling comments of "very qubblo." In psychology, I was nostalgic for high school when the teacher decided to show a movie instead of lecturing; the movie was about Washoe, the chimp that could communicate to humans by using sign language, squealing, and throwing her feces. During the entire viewing of the film, I calculated that Washoe had the language ability of seventeen cats using the branch of applied mathematics known as tabulus, give or take a cat as a standard error. This is quite an impressive feat, considering the general articulate nature of our feline allies. After classes, I went to the Gregory gym and hit the indoor track, where I played my usual game of two miles, up to about the point where my lips turned purple and my left arm started tingling. I would say that the events of today led to a brilliant success, and I will be promoting myself to Captain for my fine work in promoting the welfare of .. well, .. me. So, at ease, soldiers, Captain Jonathan Starr will now be retiring to his quarters (the left bathroom stall).