Easter Update

In commemoration of the resurrection of our Lord and in the spirit of celebration of fertility and new life, I have decided to perform a trial run of allowing comments to be submitted on my blog posts. This is not mean, however, that everyone [who am I kidding? Nobody reads this anyway] can go ahead and have a field day with the comments, so that means there are standards; failure to meet these minimal standards will result in slow, painful death. So help me God, I will strike you down ..
My Easter holiday was not that great at all, I spent most of the day toiling in the metaphorical fields of physics homework, slaving away for a merciless foreman, the unpleaseable master who refuses to lecture on subjects pertinent to the rotational motion of rigid objects. Oh, woe is me! I did, however, get to go to P.F. Chang's, a classy, Asian-food restaurant for my sister Leah's birthday. She will be turning eighteen on March the thirty-first, but we decided to celebrate earlier. The food at Chang's was delicious as usual, and the dessert special was exquisite: a well prepared German chocolate cake. Those dirty krauts may have messed up by losing two wars, failing to exterminate the Jewish race, and producing David Hasselhoff, but they certainly can make a mean chocolate cake. Overall, the dinner was a brilliant success. But alas! Soon the time for fun came to an end, and it was back to physics and calculus homework; now, with that finally completed, I sit here relaying the glorious news to you. I wish to now conclude this Sunday update, and I hope that you all had a wonderful Easter holiday.

Although I didn't get a visit from the easter bunny, I was delighted to be visited by his sidekick the easter dog; I'm still recovering the function of my right arm, but the gashes on my face are almost completely healed! :)

Tech Day

Those of you who know me well probably understand the fact that I am a member of the Sparklemotion Theatre Troupe here at the University of Texas in Austin; I have done one play with them last semester, and despite the fact that I am not doing a play this semester, I still think of myself as being part of the group. So naturally, when the theatre troupe needed to complete a lot of technical work for an upcoming play, I heeded their call to arms, and rushed to the front lines to protect the motherland from the invading hordes of barbarians. When I arrived, I unfortunately discovered that I had lugged my seven foot pike for nothing, and the only thing the theatre troup needed me to do was some painting and to make legs for our sets. So I spent approximately eight to nine hours doing that, and we ended up making a huge mess: we had to do our painting and sawing inside because of rain, and I am pretty sure there is enough paint and sawdust in the Mezes hall to kill at least ten cats. Overall, I believe the group as a whole did a pretty fair job in getting stuff done, or at least, pretending to get stuff done. Maxim and I fashioned five legs for the sets, which were expertly designed and crafted, as we made them with the intent of being able to withstand the weight of "approximately fifty cats." Below are some pictures of the event, as well as another "UT ex-sighting" (haha, get it!? exciting + sighting???).

Loch Ness? No, just another one of those damn rats with poofy tails.

With all this wood, we never got bored! Hahahahahaha ha.. haa.. Ok, ok, I'll go lock myself in my closet for that one. 

Everyone in this picture is busy looking busy in hopes of avoiding a lashing from the production foreman.  

In Light of Recent Events ..

.. I have decided to update my blog!

Well, this Friday was unfortunately the same as all my other Fridays: despite the fact that the governor announced a holiday at noon, the squares running the show at UT decided that students did not deserve to have classes cancelled; therefore, I was forced to go to all my afternoon classes. My government professor, however, sensing the feeling of injustice, gave the students who showed up to class extra credit, which is cool I suppose, although I would not really say that naked pictures of Tom Selleck is any form of acceptable 'credit.'
Around nine o'clock or so, Caitlin and I decided to go to Zen for dinner, and thankfully due to my manly intuition, we left early enough to avoid a horrible bout of rain and hail, which cut off power to some of the restaurants across the street. Zen was delicious as usual; I really like this Asian food chain for their great cooking and community-oriented service. I mean, really, how often do you get a restaurant that simultaneously serves great food and solves the local stray cat problem? Now only if they could expand their menu to solve the problem of the homeless ..
Anyway, below is a picture of a band that was 'playing' at the Jester Center; playing is in quotes because some might consider randomly smashing different notes just to be making noise, but hey, I don't judge, I just make sarcastic, smart-ass comments. Also, I added a picture of the Zen restaurant; see if you can spot the animal cages in the back!

Some talent is best left undiscovered.

Zen is sort of a fast-food Asian restaurant chain; it sells Sushi and rice or noodle bowls. I would recommend staying away from any food items that are described as being made from "the catch of the day."

Tom Selleck, that crazy sex machine, can call me anytime.

Can I put pro-Abortion on the ballot?

A little present from the UT pro-life constituency, who believe that displaying pictures of horribly mutilated fetuses will make me more sympathetic to their message; this is only true, however, if their message is vomit, because that is the only thing that these images will ever inspire. I was rather pleased at their protest's key location, as I was unable to walk around it without taking a detour that would surely disable me from making it to class on time; so therefore, I had these gruesome images forced upon me, and in turn, upon you. Thanks, conservative pro-life constituency!

The avid UT pro-choice constituency, however, was not to be outdone, and ten yards away they had their own little exhibit, which I found to be much more aesthetically pleasing. I found the whole charade to be rather ridiculous; it seems to me that people just cannot do without expressing their opinions. I'm just a poor student trying to get to class; I can do without the attempts to guilt me into hating feminists or coerce me to vote for anti-choice office holders. 

And to bring things to a close, the most hilarious image ever created. If you can't understand it just from looking at it, then it is just at a level humor you could never hope to attain a sense of.

A Critique of Aristotle's Ontological Argument of the First Cause

Heh, just kidding about the title there; Aristotle's argument for god's existence carries about as much logical weight as Descartes' "I think therefore .. hey, why is my hand in my pants?" But the point of today's lecture is not about philosophy, it is to stroke my own ego through the best means of abstract masturbation that I can think of: Updating my blog!
Today started much like any other day: I awoke to severe throbbing head pain caused by whirlwind of partying, alcohol, and wild, unprotected sex that occurred the night before. I then reluctantly got up, took a shower, grabbed a bite, and proceeded to my usual round of Tuesday classes. Today in U.S. history, I got my test essay back, which scored an impressive grade of 97 along with the consoling comments of "very qubblo." In psychology, I was nostalgic for high school when the teacher decided to show a movie instead of lecturing; the movie was about Washoe, the chimp that could communicate to humans by using sign language, squealing, and throwing her feces. During the entire viewing of the film, I calculated that Washoe had the language ability of seventeen cats using the branch of applied mathematics known as tabulus, give or take a cat as a standard error. This is quite an impressive feat, considering the general articulate nature of our feline allies. After classes, I went to the Gregory gym and hit the indoor track, where I played my usual game of two miles, up to about the point where my lips turned purple and my left arm started tingling. I would say that the events of today led to a brilliant success, and I will be promoting myself to Captain for my fine work in promoting the welfare of .. well, .. me. So, at ease, soldiers, Captain Jonathan Starr will now be retiring to his quarters (the left bathroom stall).

Who says that UT is impersonal and uncaring? Here at UT you are an important addition to the many thousands of students you are constantly competing against for limited school and job resources. :)

My gorgeous Snake-us.

A Concise Summary of Today's Events

Greetings, fellow interweb users!
Today started out about the same as any other day, except it was three hours earlier than usual, and instead of waking to the incessant beeping of the alarm of my clock, I awoke to the incessant beeping of the smoke detector. No, there wasn't a fire; apparently, the electricity went out in the Jester dorm and this caused the fire detectors to beep: the creators of the fire code felt the need to require all smoke detectors to remind you every six seconds that they unpowered, as if you could do anything about it. So I was pretty stuck laying there awake until the power returned and the constant beeping receded back to the hell abyss from which it came. Surely now that I had overcome this small challenge, I could return to dreaming that I was the Hamburgular, molesting Ronald McDonald and stealing happy meals. WRONG. In the spirit of this bureacratic obsession with unnecessary reminders, my resident assistant knocked loudly on my room to tell me that the power had gone out. I stared blankly at her for a few moments before grumbling and shutting the door; it seemed that there would be no hamburgarling for me this Monday morning.
With the reminders finally gone, however, I was able to go back to sleep; a few hours later, I awoke, feeling refreshed, and I proceeded to go about my morning routine as I usually do. I went to my physics class, during which I attempted to use physical principles to determine how it is that a single professor can produce so much sweat. Afterwards, calculus, lunch and government, where I experienced my usual battle to stay awake. Along the way to classes, I managed to capture a few exciting UT sightings with my digital camera, a few of which I have posted for your viewing pleasure. After classes, I went to Caitlin's room to give her the book we need to read for class back, where she attempted to force me to go to so French dance; I had to communicate effectively to her that I was not interested in going to the dance, and while some might say punching her in the throat was in excess, I felt the need to be firm in my refusal. After that I headed to the gym for my usual round of flailing around wildly in the Gregory weight room for my cardio. Then dinner, scrumptious cafeteria food at Jester; physics and calculus homework, the usual round of (unnecessarily) frustrating problems; and now here I am, posting a concise summary of today's events to you, the enthralled reader.
I will leave it at this point, and bid thee farewell; the prospect of Hamburgularing in McDonald's land is calling to me like the singing of the sirens, and I must heed its call.

This is a new trend in Austin, it seems; it has all the pros of biking, except lacks the physical exercise, following, and dignity.

Today's exciting UT sightings

Apparently, if you view this clock tower from an angle and a distance, it has the appearance of an owl: the school mascot of the head engineer in charge of building the tower.

Saturday Night Austin Experience

Today is a beautiful Sunday day: a glorious opportunity to go outside, take off all your clothes, and run wildly through the forest while shrieking at the top of your lungs to celebrate the beauty of nature. I am not posting, however, to delve into my Sunday habits; I am posting to discuss the events of what I would deem a rather successful Saturday night Austin adventure. My friend Perry and I decided to spend our Saturday night enjoying the fine pleasures that the personable, friendly city of Austin had to offer. Perhaps the source of the decision was that we usually spend this time basking in the radiation of our computer moniters, entertaining ourselves by talking with "18_hAwT_GrrL," a 43 year old trucker; discussing the merits of using object-oriented versus procedural programming; and crying in our rooms over our empty, empty lives. But whatever the case, once the decision was made, we loaded into the car and were off!
No one is really sure what happened next; the most coherent story that can be formed from the scattered testimony of witnesses is that Perry and I did end up where we wanted to go in Austin after a series of detours, killing a hooker, and a cry break in an alley. Once inside of the heart of the city, we went quick to work, looking for "Spiro's", a club that we knew allowed men of our season (underage) to enter. This probably took longer than it should have, but we eventually found it, and we watched for a few, uncomfortable moments a live band play; however, we were out of there the second the singer started to fall down off the stage, in what I am sure was an attempt to kill us. Next, we went to a cigar store, were attacked by a band of hobos, and browsed the various opportunities the nightlife afforded us. We eventually decided to check out the club "Paradox," which offered limitless fascination due to my near obsession with such logical flaws (This statement is false.); I understand now that I was just marking myself for disappointment. We found Paradox, but decided not to go inside: this decision was either spurred by the fact that there was a huge line; that we didn't want to front the cover; or that most of the club constituency was black. So we went ahead and took our impatient, cheap, or racist asses over to MoJo's on Guadalupe after waiting five hours to cross two streets in Perry's car. Below are a few pictures from MoJo's, which fortunately turned out ok, unlike the other ones taken during the course of the night; the band that played was introduced as "one of the best bands in America," but as you can probably tell from the top picture of me, I wasn't terribly impressed. Aftering finishing our beverages, browsing the various items, and listening to the band, we decided to head on home. Overall, I would say that the adventure was a brilliant success, and Perry and I agreed that we would have to do it again, although next time we will probably draft someone into coming with us who is more aware of what there is to do in Austin.

:( 

Hahahaha 

Band at MoJo's 

Picture

Me wearing my sexist hunting shirt :)

Aphorisms, Selection from Reading, etc

"Honesty is not just the best morality, it is also the best policy."
Ahh, indeed! These are the words of wisdom offered by Dr. David Starr (my father) on quite a regular basis: indeed, he is a wealth of aphorisms, and usually they are offered in quite amusing contexts that aid in their memorization. I shall never forget the first time I heard the saying, "It is like closing the barn door after the horse has already gotten out," due to the context in which it was stated: My father and I were going to a restaurant on University in Georgetown, and he was commenting on the anti-growth constituency in the local government that constantly gives him trouble when he tries to develop land for commercial use. At our town square, we have a jiffy lube, a seven-eleven, and a pawn shop, all ranty looking, surely killing any historical feel to that area, yet all were allowed to be constructed, while my father claims that the local government crucifies him for trying to perform beneficial industrial development. And it was in this stage of his rant that he made the barn-door closing analogy.
Aphorisms, however, are in most cases items of rhetoric and not of logic: The obstensible wisdom of "good things come to those who wait," can easly be dispelled by its enemy, "strike while the iron is hot." So while they can add weight to an argument in that they might explain already present logic in terms that someone might be able to understand better, they do not add anything in and of themselves. I am sure you are 'appreciative' of this detailed explanation of something as trivial as aphorisms, but you'd be surprised how few people understand the distinction ..

On another note, I am currently reading a book on American Revolution-era Concord, a small (by today's standards), New England town; the book is called "The Minutemen and Their World." I offer you the following excerpt:
"Devotion to constituional princple alone did not push men straight into revolution. Indeed, it could and did prompt many colonists to condemn all violent opposition to British measures and to urge peaceful submission to law while more petitions were forwarded to Parliament. Political leadership was also needed to formulate strategy, to organize tactics, and most important, to supply an energizing vision that would transform legalistic protests into a revolutionary movement."
Restated: It took more than just the 'unconstitutional' political moves of the English Parliament to bring about the revolutionary war, it also required the leadership of a charismatic, talented, and political adept group. Indeed, in the book, the people of Concord seem quite reluctant to adopt the radical ideas of "governing by the consent of the people" and those ideas eventually adopted during the course of the revolution; instead, they seemed to have taken a much more moderate or conservative approach initially: they just merely wanted no "taxation without representation." The revolution, as we think of it today, wasn't born in one dramatic event, but slowly and somewhat painfully evolved over the course of the war. This language can be debated endlessly; however, I wish to only convey the idea that our pre-conceived ideas of what happened during the time before, during, and after the Declaration of Indepedence from Great Britain in 1776 might not necessarily reflect reality, and this book tries to capture the essence of that reality through a detailed analysis of documents and records of this era from this small, New England town.
On this note, I would like to end this said second blog post. Also, I will do my best to post a picture here as soon as possible.

Introduction

Greetings fellow denizens of internet!
I have decided to create a new blog to convey my thoughts to friends and desperate enemies who are trying to learn my weaknesses (you know who you are); you have my deepest assurances that this attempt at an internet journal is completely serious in nature, and we will be not be suffering the inane ramblings of a madman acting as a madman (or will we?). I must, with a heavy heart, admit that I will probably not post into this blog very often, as I am indeed very busy with the numerous activities that a man of my stature must attend (i.e. ritualistic masturbation [incense, mood music?], drinking mouthwash, and passing out on my dorm floor); however, I will make up for this shameful profession by stating the policy of this blog that no comments shall ever be allowed. "Wait," you might wonder, "How is that a good thing, exactly?" I must admit reluctantly that it probably isn't a good thing for you, as you bastards are obsessed with utilizing any means of communicating your insane drivel to the outside world; it is, however, extremely good for me, as I have no desire to read any of your (friend's or otherwise) 'clever' feedback posts, which I have found in the past usually have nothing to do with the subject of the post, or any subject known to any intelligent person whatsoever! Please do not take this in the mood of a rant, but in the mood of excitement over a glorious new age of indiscriminate censorship. In the end, everyone will be much happier: myself, because no one will care to read my blog, and you, because you won't have to pretend to read it by occassionally posting. And on this note, I end this said first blog post, and I encourage those of you who are desperate to have your opinions heard to please fire up outlook express (or get out a pen and paper for those of you who have Macs) and send me an e-mail at jonstarr67@gmail.com.